Northern Mongolia
Get off the babysitter. Daddy's home.
What is an Angel doing so far from Heaven?
I'm no Angel.
This is hostel, yeah?
I'm good at the bull, no?
Ray Carter U.S. Marshal
Marshal Ray Carter? I'm Alex Munday. I'll be your rescuer today.
I didn't think you'd find me. How many men do you have?
I've got two girlfriends in the bar.
They have 50 armed men.
I know. It hardly seems fair. Come on.
- What is it? - My ribs.
Dylan? Dylan, we need to get out of here.
I'm on top of it.
- They got my ring. - I'm sure your wife will understand.
Kill them!
Kill them all!
Plan B.
Just once, I'd like to walk out of a bar.
Let's go!
Now!
- Get in! - You got him?
Dylan!
Go for it!
- Dylan! - I'm trying!
I'm afraid I underestimated you guys.
Yeah.
That happens a lot.
It was three girls!
Three crazy beautiful girls.
But we have the ring.
I always knew this day would come...
Let's go to plan B.
Once upon a time, there were three very different little girls.
Come on, Alex. This is the last pass. You can do it!
Harder! Harder! Harder!
I want you! I want you now!
Who grew up to be three very different women.
No.
Okay.
You, hot water.
Here it goes. Here it goes.
There we go.
Now they work for me. My name is Charlie.
William Rose Bailey Department of Justice
Perimeter secure. We're ready for takeoff.
Well done, Agent McDowell.
Hey, check this out.
Our first piece of mail.
- Your 10-year high-school reunion. - It'll be a fun night, Nat.
- Isn't that cool? - It's great.
I still can't believe Nat and Pete are moving in together.
- Our little Angel's growing up. - It's wild that Natalie owns property.
The most expensive thing I own are these boots.
- Excuse me. Those are my boots. - Whatever. My point is...
I forgot my point.
You're broke, horny and wearing my boots.
Thank you.
So you thought you could escape my fortress.
Not so fast.
- Oh, my God! Jason. - Surprise.
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
That was fun.
Fun. Yeah.
- What are you doing here? - I miss you. Look...
What are you doing later, after this? Later on?
Jason, I thought we were on a time-out.
What? We can't fool around at all?
Hey, Jason. I didn't think you'd make it.
Yeah, the photo shoot ran late. Plus, I wanted to miss all the heavy stuff.
- Hey, Jason. - Hey.
- How's the sequel going? - Great.
We had, like, 13 writers, so it should be pretty good.
- I loved the first one. - Yeah, it was great.
Sorry. We got a great title for this one: Maximum Extreme-2.
The premiere's Friday, so I brought you tickets.
I love tickets!
- Hello? - Yeah?
- Be right in. - Thanks.
Sorry.
- Thanks for helping out, Jason. - Yeah, yeah.
Charlie.
Bosley!
What's happening, Angels? How y'all doing?
- Hey. - Hey, Bos.
Look here. I see my brother ain't checked the books in a while.
We have a book?
Look here, lovelies, I only been here a few days, but will you explain
what the hell is this?
Now, what...?
Careful with that, Bos.
I'm all right.
And I also see y'all being played. Five G's for a Kevlar vest?
- We need those. - They're made especially for us.
What? You all fine, but you crazy.
What?
Bosley, come here.
- Have a seat, Bos. - Okay.
- Bos. - What?
B.
Your brother didn't sweat the details.
- We do what it takes. - Right.
So, what does a Bosley do around here?
- He does the most important job of all. - What's that?
He connects us with Charlie.
Okay. All right. All right.
- Good morning, Angels. - Good morning, Charlie.
Bosley, I hope the Angels aren't being too rough on you.
Man, please. I date fat women. What are you talking about?
Great work in Mongolia, Angels
but I'm afraid the case has taken a new turn.
Goddamn! What the f...? Look... Look...
I know where I'm watching the game at tonight. Look at that.
Angels, I'd like to introduce Roger Wixon, senior director of the FBI.
- Pleasure to meet you. - Pleasure.
- Hi. - Hello.
Over the years, the Townsend Agency
has worked on projects for the bureau
but never one with so many innocent lives at stake.
Hey, I'm busy watching that doggone screen.
Good job, Bos.
Angels, you're aware of the Federal Witness Protection Program.
People who testify against major crime figures
are relocated and given new identities.
The identities of these witnesses are protected by a program called HALO:
Hidden Alias List Operation.
The list is encrypted on two titanium rings.
The data on each ring is indecipherable on its own
but when they are read together, their codes unlock each other.
Who wears the rings?
The head of the U.S. Marshal Service was wearing one.
- Ray Carter. - Good morning.
- Hey, how are you feeling? - Couple of fractured ribs, but I'll live.
Who wears the other ring?
The head of security for the Justice Department, William Rose Bailey.
Unfortunately, he was killed this morning.
- Now both rings are in the open. - So the list is out.
Someone's contacted the major crime families offering to sell the list.
Antonioni Crime Family
Diablo Cartel
Tanaka Yakuza
O'Grady Clan
One of our protected witness, Alan Caufield
was found dead at home in the Valley.
Angels, we need to get the HALO rings back before the list is sold.
- We'll start at the Caufield house. - See if that leads us to HALO.
Hey, Charlie, we could really use Bosley's help on this one.
- Get to drive the racecar? - Not today.
- Blow up a castle? - Not yet, Bos.
Well, what do y'all need me to do?
- Read some body language. - Hell, yeah.
Evidence Recovery Specialist
Crime Scene Photographer
CSI Team Leader
Coroner
I'm not going nowhere near no dead body.
Freeze, ladies. If you're not a dead body, other side of the ropes.
We got a serious situation here. My men have the area secure.
I have to ask you to evacuate immediately.
We got a 211, a 183, believe it or not, we got an 11-350, and it ain't pretty.
An 11-350? You found an illegal chinchilla ranch on the premises?
It's a chinchilla farm.
But you're good.
Negatory to orders to relinquish locality.
Circumspect to your observation
we'll proceed to the interior of the dwelling with your accompaniment.
Well, I do not copy. Repeat, do not copy. I'll have to ask my sergeant.
Your sergeant is here.
Hands off.
If you had your game faces on at the academy, you ought to figure this out.
Simple café coronary. Freak show choked to death.
Questions?
Examination of soft palate reveals porcine byproduct
lodged in vestibule.
Okay, let's do this. Come on, baby.
Caufield shows no signs of trauma to the larynx.
His struggle pattern indicates that he didn't choke.
He was smothered.
Ladies, we got some carnauba residue.
Pineapple.
Oh, it's Sex Wax. Best for your stick.
Pardon me?
- The killer's a surfer. - How do you know?
He used the credit card he uses to scrape wax off his board
to gain entry into the house.
Thrasher scumbag surfers.
Freeze!
I found a foreign print. He was wearing reissued 1989 Air Jordans.
A limited promotional version sold
only at the Foot Locker in Fontana, in the summer of 2002.
There's a discrepancy in weight distribution
between the left and right sides.
An anterior cruciate ligament that was repaired in the last year.
All right, who did it?
A killer with a scar on his knee who surfs.
Did he stink?
There's a hurricane off Baja. That means good swells for south beaches.
Was there a lot of blood?
Offshore winds, Third Point. Malibu's pumping.
- Alex, surfboards are at your house. - Share it with me, Angels.
Freeze!
Daddy? Daddy!
Darling! I was meeting your mother in Bali, and they cancelled the flight.
Some sort of monsoon. So how is my favorite little ferret?
Do the face.
No, come on. Do it properly.
That is so cute. I do the whiskers with my dad.
Mr. Munday, it is such a pleasure to finally meet you.
I'm Dylan.
That's Natalie.
I assure you, none of the stories are true.
Well, some of them are.
So you work with Alex at the hospital?
Yes! Natalie works in the psychiatric ward
and Dylan is the head of gynecology.
Really?
- So young. - I know.
We were just on our way out. We have a major procedure coming up, so...
- Duty calls. Sorry. - I've got to prep.
Scrub up.
- Bye-bye. - Bye.
See you in a minute.
It's just a tiny emergency. Make yourself at home.
We'll talk later. Go save lives.
Love you.
Head of gynecology?
Wait a second.
Bos? There's a waxer on your 6.
Is that you, Lord?
Get in there and see if he uses pineapple Sex Wax.
Dylan, check it out.
I got sand in my ass. I can't hardly walk.
Just blend in. Be cool, Bos.
Got any wax?
Great job, Bos.
Is that grape? It's grape.
It's grape!
Yes, sir!
Suspect four eliminated.
What's up, Angel?
- Madison Lee? - Natalie Cook?
Oh, my God.
How did you know?
- I get the newsletter. - Of course.
Wow. I've heard so many stories about you. You're my favorite Angel.
She won the Nobel Prize for her research on flying mammals.
And predicted Carmine DeSoto's every move
by using the Cosmo Bedside Astrologer.
I also set the clock on Charlie's VCR.
And she invented the molar mic.
- Dylan and Alex? - Yeah.
- God, how I miss stakeouts. - I know. Aren't they the best?
Bring it on Bitch!
Only one waxer left.
Wait a second.
Subpatellar scar, left knee.
Check it out. Brown shorts, red board, 11 o'clock. What do you think?
- Yummy. - That's what I thought.
Case closed. Nat, move in. Dylan thinks he's hot.
What do you mean?
You always fall for the bad guy.
Then this guy must be really evil.
You should see the new agency. It's beautiful.
Maybe I will. Tell Charlie hello for me when you see him.
You know.
There she goes.
Who do you think will be the first of us to leave?
You, me or Natalie?
- What are you talking about? - I think it'll be Nat.
Why? Did she say something?
Nat and Pete live together now. Soon they'll be engaged
and you and I will wear pink dresses
at the wedding of Mr. And Mrs. Pete Kominsky.
Yeah, but even if she got married, she'd never leave us.
Sooner or later, you and I are gonna have to break in a new Angel.
Good morning, Angels.
Good morning, Charlie.
- Good morning, Angels. - Good morning, Charlie.
Good morning, Angels.
Good morning, Charlie.
I mean, you didn't think it would be the three of us forever, did you?
I think I lost my nuts. Your nuts ever get small?
When I get in water, they just shrink up. They become like one marble.
Killer, huh?
I just got so excited.
When it's big like that, I love to ride it hard and rough.
Sorry.
The way I was getting pounded, I'm gonna be wet for hours.
Catch you later.
Randy Emmers.
- Pineapple Sex Wax. - "The Coal Bowl."
Hey, check it out. "Leo," that could be his next target.
This is it.
The Coal Bowl.
Let's get dirty.
- I'll buy in. - I'll find Leo.
I'll look for Emmers.
- I'll look for Emmers. - Yeah.
All right, Leo, you're mine.
Good luck.
- You in charge here? - You know it.
- I want in. - It's a two G buy-in. Winner takes all.
- Rules are, there are no rules. - I'm down.
Three out of four don't cross the finish line.
I'll take those odds.
Hey, how's it going?
- Metzger's at the far double. - Is this your first time...?
Carmichael's at the finish line.
I was thinking may...
You and Pete moving in together is a big deal.
- Yeah, it's great, isn't it? - So where do you see this going?
Going? I'm confused.
Okay, say someone was to come up to me and say:
"Hey, Dylan, do you think Natalie wants to get married?"
What? Did Pete ask you to ask me if I wanted to get married?
- No. - Because we just moved in together.
Heads up, I've spotted Emmers. I'm on him.
Red bike, red helmet.
Nat, number 25. Check it out.
The lion. That's Leo.
I got it. The guy in blue.
I got shut out.
- What was that? - He's after Leo.
He just took out a guy in the front double.
- He's making his way up to Leo. - I'm gonna get him.
That's it! Let's get in there.
I got him, I got him!
- He's gonna crush him! - Look out, Nat!
What the hell are you doing?!
Nat, he's on your 6.
No, Natalie!
- Natalie! - I'm okay.
We gotta take him out!
I'll get back in.
Let's go!
Get him at the double.
- You okay? - Yeah.
Hey, what are you doing with my bike?
Dylan!
The Thin Man.
He's dead.
- What the hell is going on? - Hey, you're just a kid.
I'm 15 and a half.
Photos. Alan Caufield.
- Max Petroni. - How'd you know my real name?
Helen Zaas?
Helen Zaas.
My name before I went into
the Witness Protection Program 8 years ago.
And then I became Dylan Sanders.
When the FBI realized the young lady's potential
they gave me a call.
- Okay, wait. Helen Zaas? - Yeah.
- That's your name? - Yeah.
Helen Zaas.
So where does that name come from originally? Is that Ass-tralian?
Yeah.
Oh, my God, you must have been the butt of every joke.
- Did you drive an Aston Martin? - Alex, we're being asinine.
Yes, you are.
Don't worry, Dylan. We're still gonna be your best butties.
Now, Angels, a rose by any other name still smells as sweet.
Thank you, Charlie. It's not that funny.
Yeah, it is.
- Bos, can I get a ruling on this one? - You sure can.
You know what? Personally, I'm not interested in Helen Zaas.
I'm more concerned about yours.
No matter what, you're still gonna be our Dylan.
- Thank you, Bos. - You're welcome.
Let me guess, you fell for the bad guy.
I fell for the worst guy.
But he was so cute, and I liked him so much.
We had so much fun together
just driving around, listening to metal and...
8 years ago
And then one night, things got really bad.
I love you! I would die for you, Seamus!
O'Grady.
You got some balls.
He said he'd kill me if I told anyone, but I had to put him away.
- Of course you did. - You did the right thing.
- He was my first. - Really?
- But you told me you never did it. - My first bust.
- Yeah. - Who was this guy?
- Seamus O'Grady. - O'Grady?
- As in the Irish mob? - I sent him to prison.
Right now
O'Grady.
You're out.
O'Grady, what about your belongings?
So if I have these, she'll find me?
- The O'Gradys killed my parents. - What?
Sorry, Max.
I testified against them.
Wait a second. Alan Caufield. He testified against the O'Gradys.
That's it. The O'Gradys must have HALO. This is our one lead.
The Thin Man.
- Our favorite assassin. - That's right.
- This needs to go get analyzed. - Yes, let's get up in there and do that.
Let me see it.
Yeah, I know exactly what this is. I have one.
The nuns gave it to us at the orphanage.
Orphanage.
- Good work. - Max is in our protective custody now.
- It's up to us to keep him safe. - Hey, I know the safest place in town.
Listen, don't you worry about a thing.
No O'Grady ever set foot in South Central. Can you dig it?
- Yeah. - This is my mama house.
Rule number one: Don't look her in the eye. Understand?
Or she'll pop. Can you dig it?
- Bosley. - Yes, ma'am?
You get over here.
Hey, Mama.
- What kind of trouble you in now? - I'm not in any trou... Yes, ma'am.
- Come on. - Yes, ma'am.
- Look at those knockers. - Boys!
Mother superior will see you now.
Mother, do you recognize this man?
Of course I know who he is.
We called him Anthony, after St. Anthony of Padua
healer of the mute. Please come forward.
Please, girls.
But his real name, like so much about him, was a mystery.
He came to us when he was 7.
He was found wandering in the hills, living off roots and insects.
We believe his family was in a Romanian circus troupe
who died in a terrible fire.
Although the doctors could find nothing physically wrong
he never spoke a word.
And there were other idiosyncrasies. He was a painfully shy child
until it came time for his monthly haircut.
Then one morning, he was simply gone.
The Thin Man was protecting Max.
So you're saying this man is the sole benefactor of your orphanage?
Yes, he really is an angel.
Mother, have you had contact with him since?
Well, not really that much
except for the odd haircut now and then.
But he does send gifts. Like this morning.
- Emmers' car. - That is a nice ride.
An original 1967 numbers-matching GTO.
- Thorn Birds. - I know.
Bird poo.
What order did you girls say you were from again?
- Larus californicus. - California gull.
Fecal matter consists mostly of scaly clypeiform.
Sardines that fed on large brown algae, I'd say.
There's also traces of tanker fuel and storm-water runoff as well.
Sea gulls, tankers, storm water.
San Pedro Harbor.
- Who are you? - What?! Wait.
- What? - Who are you?
Oh, Jason Gibbons.
The actor.
Maybe you've seen Maximum Extreme.
No.
- It was such a big movie. - What are you doing here?
- I'm Alex's boyfriend. - Alex's boyfriend.
Yeah. Well, technically, we're on what she calls a time-out.
- What does that mean? - Exactly. Thank you.
Yeah. I gotta say, you must be the world's most understanding father.
- Why? - All the wild stuff she does.
When I first met Alex, I thought she was a bikini waxer.
It was months before I knew about Charlie.
Who's Charlie?
San Pedro Harbor
Merkin.
That was the name of Seamus' pit bull.
Armed guards. Security looks pretty tight.
This dock is like a fortress.
ID badges. I think cargo's our best bet.
- Townsend Agency. - Bos, recon incoming.
- Got you, baby. - Yeah, check the photo.
That's our man.
The Treasure Chest.
- Do a little dance. - Make a little love.
Get down tonight.
- There he is, first table on the right. - Yeah, baby!
Hold.
- Paddy O'Malley? - Top of the morning to you.
You know, you just don't look much like any Paddy I've ever seen before.
Ain't never heard of no black Irish?
- Black Irish? - That's right.
Who do you think invented the McRib, Lucky Charms, huh?
- Shamrock Shake? That's ours. - Give me your papers.
- What? - Your papers.
Let me tell you
you got nerve to ask me about my papers.
My family suffered, man, for lack of potatoes.
Foot-and-mouth disease. Canker sores. Circumcision.
- Circumcision? - Right, my wife just had a set of twins.
- Both leprechauns. - Leprechauns?
Get a whiff. Irish Spring.
You don't believe that, wipe your ass with a four-leaf clover.
McGinty!
Get this stuff on the ship.
- Tough, eh? - That was heavy.
I say we should take a break.
Wait a second.
I smell a rat.